The ‘I never want kids’ stigma

I think it’s about time I wrote this after exclaiming for many years now that I don’t see kids in my future. I know it’s a taboo subject and something that I’ve felt should be talked about a lot more than it currently is but with the rise of millennial career focused women there are more females who are deciding that in the future parenthood just won’t be for them…me being one of those.

I don’t really feel that people who I’ve spoke to or certain comments I’ve seen from people on social media realise that not having kids is just another option and it’s nothing to be ‘sad’ or ‘concerned’ about. In life we have decisions; goals and dreams that fill our brains 24/7 and help us decide what it is we want out of our life, what will make us happy, now and in the future. I’m someone who’s brain seems to be busy all the bloody time and it does get rather exhausting every now and then but I was reading a little bit into my star sign the other day and I’ve learnt that Leo’s are:

a) headstrong- we know what we want and we stick to it

b) energetic- we are always busy and always wanting to be busy

c) stubborn- we rarely change our attitude or opinion if we feel it suits ourselves

So the fact that since I was young I always knew I didn’t want children and that wanting a busy life full of selfish adventure meant that my dreams and ambitions never fell with the idea of wanting kids, I have forever been content with that. It’s never been something that I shyed away from If I was asked or more recently felt like I couldn’t bring into the topic of discussion if people were talking about how broody they were; personally not understanding the term because I don’t think I have it in me to feel even remotely broody. I do however feel like there is definitely a little bit of a stigma that comes with the idea of not wanting kids; I’ve read articles and tweets calling women selfish for deciding they didn’t ever want kids or having abortions based around the fact they simply weren’t ready. To be quite frank there is an awful lot of shit on the internet that makes my blood boil…what gives someone else the right to have any say over someone else’s life decisions?

It’s all fun and games having a laugh and joke with people about how you’ll be the one with two dogs and never having any responsibilities but I think a lot of the time people forget that each individual has their own path they want to follow and their own responsibilities to take care off…many people forgetting that a big responsibility we have in life is making sure we are okay and happy as individuals. I see people constantly neglecting themselves by putting others first and I myself have done the exact same so the responsibility of having a child doesn’t make anyone better or worse at life which is where I feel like a lot of the stigma comes from.

I read a tweet a few months back that I retweeted and honestly couldn’t have related more (I mean it’s not me at this current time but I definitely see my future being like this):

I honestly believe that the “unconventional” ways that society is slowing but surely coming to terms with should be justified on whether it makes the person happy or not.  People my age having kids? If it makes them happy then so be it.

Me on the other hand who’s maternal instincts are basically non existent and am someone who hasn’t ever had a broody bone in their body; I’ve never had the excitement that one day I could have my own family with children included because to me that doesn’t fall in the mixture of things I dream about and want in the future. A lot more millennial women are focusing more on their careers nowadays and deciding not to have children, and I wish people wouldn’t shy away from taboo subjects because if anything these are what make people truly think and see just how amazing life is that each individual is different and conforming to the norms isn’t always the done thing to do.

 

So what do I see in the future?

I do see plenty of adventures shared with friends, possible loved ones and family. I see myself selfishly putting my happiness first when it comes to my life decisions; something occasionally looked down upon.

I’m not at all saying that there won’t be a point in the very far future that I decide ‘hey I want children’ but in my current mindset and mindset I’ve had since I was a young girl I don’t realistically see that happening.

You’ll just catch me as the cool wine aunt who will look after your children when I’m back from whatever country I’ve been to, IF I can make time in my busy schedule and also if your child is above the age of 1 and a half; anything under and I just feel awkward around them.

3 Comments

  1. Lucy Jane
    August 3, 2018 / 10:42 am

    I think this is such an important conversation to start because so many people seem to turn there nose up when people say they don’t want kids but there is so much more to it! Personally, I wouldn’t say I’m very maternal or broody with babies but I love helping kids when they’re past the age of about 5! It’s not really a goal of mine to have children or to not have children, it’s sort of a whatever happens happens thing but I think more people need to accept that people especially women are allowed to make their own personal life choices and we don’t need to be lead by societies norms. I admire you for talking about this as I can imagine you could easily get some backlash, just ignore it if you do! You also look so incredible in yellow, I’m obsessed!x

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

    • caitlin
      August 3, 2018 / 11:00 am

      Thank you so much for reading the post Lucy. I’m so glad you also think it’s an important topic to discuss. I completely agree with you in that whatever happens happens but also that women in today’s generation should be able to make their own personal life choices without the back lash from society. Have a lovely day xx

  2. Holly White
    August 5, 2018 / 8:38 am

    I really love this post. I think it’s so important to talk about too.
    I don’t want kids either – I want to have a life filled with adventures etc etc! I’ve never been very maternal and I think I’d love to spend my life focusing on ME! xxx

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