Should You Really Be ‘Keeping them on their toes’

I guess Love Island gets us chatting about a few things: a) this whole commotion around ‘I’m happy but could be happier’ nonsense b) the fact we all need a Dani Dyer in our lives and c) this ‘I’m keeping them on their toes’ malarkey

I’ve always been aware of the games that people seem to think they should play when they start seeing someone; it’s like there’s a rulebook for guys and girls on dos and dont’s regarding how to act when you’re dating someone at the start. The rules usually consist of being cool and collected, keep them on their toes, play hard to get and all that other crap that the internet and magazines seems to throw at us when it comes to relationships. If I could count the times I read magazines when I was younger and it would tell me to play hard to get or even from watching Angus, Thongs and Perfect Snogging the whole drama around the ‘elastic band theory’:

As Jas explained to Georgia in the movie: if you get to close to someone they back away however if you play elusive and mysterious and edge away then they will come right back to you. I’m pretty sure most girls will have heard of the theory but if you haven’t then there you go.

So what if you want to go by your own rules and not listen to the advice from all those magazines and articles you read when you were younger, or listen to the movies that you’d treat like a holy bible all those years ago? I’m very much one for knowing when it’s time to stop seeking advice and instead start listening to your own head and heart, at the end of the day I know what’s good for me and how I need to act in order to stay true to myself. Don’t get me wrong I’ve learnt from my past and there were definitely times I was way too keen. Nowadays If I like someone I’m a lot more naturally chilled and tend to let things go with the flow (probably to do with this wall I’ve put up) however I don’t play games by telling them I’m never free or answering ‘maybe’ if they ask to see me; as some magazines would suggest would be the done thing to do to keep a man ‘on his toes’.

I get that each relationship is different and that also each person is different. I also get that any relationship or acquaintance (whatever you wanna call it) requires fun and excitement and that means not giving too much away early doors and not feeling like you are smothering the other person. When I look at myself and the person I’ve become in the past year I’m barely recognisable to who I used to be. I used to give too much away too early, I’d let people (especially boys I liked) walk all over me, constantly asking what it was I’d done wrong and if they wanted me to change…honestly I’m embarrassed for even admitting that. If anything I was the one that was kept on my toes and at the time I thought I liked it even though I’d constantly be annoyed or angry at their behaviour towards me. If someone treated me like that now and was THAT ELUSIVE with me, they’d be straight out the door.

It’s as if people sometimes use these phrases ‘keeping them on their toes’ or ‘playing hard to get’ as a way to behave like complete arseholes. Of course it all depends on how you wanna go about viewing such words…a little bit of harmless banter whereby you tell them they’re ‘okay looking’ or you make them wait for 15 minutes/half an hour before actually turning up somewhere (this is just me anyway, nobody should believe when I say I’m 2 minutes away). But at what point does a person decide they’ve kept the other on their toes for too long, or played hard to get for too long?

Two years into a relationship, don’t worry about cancelling on me half an hour before we are due to leave for a night out because you wanted to ‘spend time with the boys’ it’s not like it took me 2 hours to get ready or anything. At the time, what did I do? I let it slip, I don’t think I even kicked off a fuss because that’s what I’d do. I’d  happily be kept on my toes and be treated like a mug and not say anything about it…even in a relationship.

Keep a boy/girl as much on their toes that the relationship is exciting, but don’t play games which involves cancelling on them last minute, making them feel unworthy or dissapearing for a month to only just come back around with the whole ‘well I didn’t want anything serious so I didn’t think we needed to talk a lot’ shit…because believe me boys and girls we see straight through your games and we are done with them.

It doesn’t take a lot to realise the best game you can play is to be 100% yourself. Know what it is you deserve and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise, and as for keeping someone on their toes…let whatever you’re feeling flow naturally don’t force it or hide it and in turn you will be happier for it.

 

6 Comments

  1. Lucy Jane
    July 20, 2018 / 5:00 pm

    In love with this look, can’t beat a bit of leopard print! I agree with you and think this whole ‘keeping them on their toes’ is all so confusing. I’ve never been in a relationship but I know I’m not going to use some rule book the internet provides me with when I eventually do get in a relationship. Being with someone you should feel completely natural and like you said, be unapologetically 100% yourself because whats the point of acting otherwise! The dating scene has changed so much because of all these expected ways people think they should act and it makes me sad, just want some old school 50s romance!

    Lucy Jane | Infinity of Fashion

    • caitlin
      July 23, 2018 / 11:22 am

      That is so true Lucy! It’s definitely all about doing what you feel is best. Thank you so much!

  2. July 20, 2018 / 9:53 pm

    I’m with you on not playing games too much. If I like someone, I like someone. I might do the whole ‘wait at least an hour before you text them back’ thing at the beginning but I also want to have proper conversations to find out more about them. I like what you said about not forcing it but not hiding it when it comes to feelings – too full on too soon can be a bit much but it’s also really nice when someone can be honest about how they feel. Just strike the right balance.

    Also that outfit is fire!

    Belle in Black and White

    • caitlin
      July 23, 2018 / 11:21 am

      I completely agree with you. Thank you so much for reading lovely.

  3. Holly White
    August 5, 2018 / 9:45 am

    I totally agree with you! I hate playing games – if you like someone TELL THEM. The worst that can happen is that it doesn’t work out! xxx

    • caitlin
      August 6, 2018 / 1:53 pm

      YES DEFINITELY!!! I just hate that people actually think games are a way of trying to win someone over. xxx

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